One of the central places in human life is occupied by interpersonal communication. This could look like camaraderie, acquaintance, love or friendship. This means having a strong support system comprising different types of relationships throughout one’s life is immensely important. Conversely, US general surgeon Vivek Murthy has warned that “being socially disconnected” might be as detrimental as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. Doesn’t that sound alarming? Yet, ironically, with globalisation, digitalization and the advent of social media in the 21st century, we have become increasingly reclusive and less invested in relationships, namely friendships. I see this as a Friendship Recession. Let’s talk about it.
Let’s talk about: The Types of Friendships
To understand friendship, perhaps we should go back to its origins, or rather how ancient philosophers conceptualised it. In his work Nicomachean Ethics, famed Greek philosopher Aristotle elaborates on different types of friendships and their significance in the life of individuals.
First, there is the Friendship of Utility, which is based on mutual benefit or usefulness. People in such friendships derive utmost satisfaction from practical advantages they stand to gain from one another. This usually occurs between business partners or colleagues, in a formal setting. However, these friendships tend to be less enduring as they are contingent upon mutual benefits and become transactional.
Then, there is the Friendship of Pleasure, which hinges on enjoyment of each other’s company. Individuals might derive pleasure from their interactions and share some sort of ‘feel good’ emotional high. These friendships are often centred around shared interests, activities or experiences. Whilst enjoyable, they can also be fleeting as they are dependent on the pleasurable experiences.
Lastly, and perhaps the highest form of friendship, Aristotle talks about the Friendship of Virtue. In such friendships, individuals love and accept each other for their virtuous qualities and character. These friendships are based on mutual respect, trust, and a deep admiration for the other as they truly are. As such friendships are built atop a strong foundation, there is a continual commitment to maintain it. It is also likely to be the most enduring among all three types of friendships. After all, there is nothing in it for us other than the relationship itself.
Take a moment to pause and think: Where, then, are we with our friendships now?
Let’s talk about: The Current State of Friendships
While all the above friendships carry unique value, if there is insufficient space for us to cultivate them, we cannot hope to have any type of friendship flourishing in our lives. Genuine friendships, in my opinion, might not only resemble Friendships of Virtue, but simply means knowing the person as they are, being there for them, and having the time to catch up despite the hustle and bustle of everyday life.
The 21st century is a transformative period that has seen interconnected economies, cultures and societies across the world. We know this as globalisation today. Technological advancement has also precipitated the growth of businesses, its networks, and the way processes are run. Across many industries, there are expectations for workers to be productive and efficient in the form of longer working hours and tight deadlines. If not, how can workers ever rise the ranks and be successful? How can they ensure they won’t be replaced by technology? Because of this emphasis on career and work, we lack the energy to make appointments after our daily 9-5. Friendships are forged through social activities; they cannot be maintained or created out of nothingness. But with the new normal of career first, friendships are not high up the priority list for many.
Social media has also transformed the basis of friendships. People, especially adolescents, now spend more time on digital media (such as texting, gaming and social media) over physical interactions. While the virtual space might still provide some form of communication and interaction, it certainly isn’t as desirable as in-person meet-ups. In some cases, social media friendships might also be superficial connections forged with self-serving intentions. After all, we only know as much of the other party as is presented by his or her internet persona.
Let’s talk about: Negative effects of Declining Friendships
A Friendship Recession spells trouble for us in more ways than imaginable, mainly in the social and physical aspects.
A 2019 study by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships has linked social interaction and social support to a variety of positive outcomes for physical and mental health, whereas their opposites—social isolation, ostracism, and loneliness—have been linked to negative outcomes. This includes social anxiety, self-esteem issues, and depression. The decline in friendships means the lack of a healthy support system, which heightens the risk of having these issues develop.
Additional research from the Gerontological Society of America has highlighted the trajectories of cognitive decline and dementia in the absence of friendships. Friendships, as mentioned, are social relationships which can encompass productive and leisure activities. Frequent social contact and high rates of social engagement keeps the mind active and also moderates the effect of stress on the central nervous system; therefore, a lack of social relations may increase brain damage and the effects of ageing.
Let’s talk about: Where we go from now
While this might seem depressing, it certainly doesn’t mean that all hope is lost. Let us be unafraid in addressing the real issues of friendship decline and take steps towards building up relationships again. Friendships don’t form themselves, and we should create spaces where they can take root and flourish. Being open to wanting friendships also requires a certain vulnerability, and we should embrace it unabashedly in a bid to stronger and more lasting friendships.